Team Fitness

Health-and-fitness is not one of my favourite things. I like junk food and laying around reading books. I’m a big fan of that.

But for fertility purposes, I have to lower my BMI which means I’m a permanent member of the H&F team, and more than that, I don’t want to be unhealthy and overweight forever. It makes me feel sluggish, it makes my chronic fatigue worse, and the acid reflux that came with chemotherapy, even eight years later, turns into fire. That’s the impact too much junk food and laziness have had on my body.

Not to mention the tightening of my clothes, until my wardrobe halves.

So, yeah, now I’m all about fruit and vegetables, and being active. And the thing is, that once I started with that, I like it a lot more than I thought I would. There’s a bit of a high when I finish, which I hear is an endorphin high, and granted it’s usually teamed with sweatiness and panting, but it’s still a good feeling. (Get your mind out of the gutter.)

The same as when I start to see a physical difference. I get my clothes back, there’s more energy, and I spend less on medication like Lansoprazole. I waver sometimes, and I slip up, but I’ve got motivation and I’m really trying.

Health and fitness. That’s me. I’ve got my health apps, my diet apps, my social media groups, my social support, and I’m trying, because weight loss and getting healthy is a difficult thing to do without support, and it’s a lot more expensive than junk food which makes it easier to fail.

I’ve got my motivation now. Team health and fitness all the way. Whatever it takes for the fertility journey.

First Fertility Hurdle

 It's so hard to get going with the business of fertility when there's a pandemic going on.

I've been trying to make an appointment for the referral to the fertility clinic, but it's not considered to be an emergent case so I can't even get a phone appointment. The only option is to call every single day and hope they have a free space where they can fit me in.

I knew there would be set backs, I always knew this was going to be difficult, but I didn't expect it to be getting off the starting block. I didn't realise it would be so difficult to get the first appointment.

I see a long road ahead of me - an endlessly long road ahead - and it's not going to get any shorter if I don't get going.

I know this isn't the ideal time to be starting this journey, but I wanted to earlier in the year, but then this pandemic started, kicking us into full lockdown. If I keep waiting, I'll be a thousand years old.

I might be that old by the time I get a GP appointment.

 

 

Quiet Week

So, this is just a little update on what I'm doing right now. 

It's been a quiet week. I had some time off from the day job and I've been reading a lot. Making my way through all my favourite paranormal romance books and series. I think after another writing rejection, I just needed a small break from it. That's the worst part of writing for me. 

However, I haven't stopped completely. I've been making notes and plotting. 

I'm about to do another run through of Wings of Passion - editing it, then I want to work on some shorter pieces of romance before getting to work on my big one. The scifi romance series I've started. 

Still writing. Still reading. 

Mission Fertility

Last October I went to an open day at a fertility hospital. They explained the process, the different treatments and took us on a tour of the facility. We even got a cuppa tea and a free pen.

The tour was something that wasn’t necessary for me, as eight years ago I was well acquainted with the building, because eight years ago I froze my eggs there, before starting Chemotherapy.

As for the res of the open day, it felt like a step towards a dream I’ve held inside for a long time. I learned what lays ahead of me, the obstacles I’ll have to face and the realistic possibility of joy or heartbreak.

Going through IVF isn’t the same as artificial insemination, and until I have fertility tests, I won’t know which path will be mine, but if IVF is the road I go down, then it’s not as simple as a few trips to the hospital.

In some regards, for me, it’s a lifestyle overhaul.

I’m lucky that I don’t smoke, and alcohol has never been an important thing in my life, so giving up those won’t be too difficult. My three most immediate challenges will be funding as IVF is an expensive process, time – given that I’m nearing forty, and lowering my BMI.

As far as financials go, I’m a single woman in my late thirties so there is not financial aid for me, and at £4000 a cycle, I don’t exactly have that in my savings.

As just stated, in growing ever closer to forty everyday which means there is a time limit ahead of me.

My third challenge: lowering my BMI. At the open day it was stated I would have to get my BMI below twenty-five, and at the moment it stands at 29.9.. That’s quite a ways to go.

My plan is budgeting, being frugal, exercise and weight watchers – or WW as it’s now known, but as I look ahead, I see an uphill battle, and it’s scary to state in actual words, what I want when I have no clear idea of how to get it.

I’m about to step into the dark, eerie forest, and I hope I come out on the other side with some realised dreams.

Rough Week

It's no secret that I live with my parents right now. It's also no secret that I want my own place. 

My parents have decided to change things around in the house and that upheaval has been enough to trigger my anxiety today. That's all it took. They're not big changes, bit still, it's tackled me to the ground.

The sun is shining, I have a week off work. I was going to be productive, yet instead I'm sitting in the garden trying to remember how to breathe and how not to cry. So, yeah, this is a bad patch, and it doesn't matter what people say or do, I just have to get through it.

I'm lethargic, I'm stressed and I'm sad, but I know how much worse it would be if I wasn't on Setraline. That works often for me, even if not today. 

Tomorrow may be better because that's how quickly things can turn around. Today though, I just want to hide with my duvet over my head.  

Real Life Intrudes

 

I don't know about you, but as a writer I find the act of putting words onto paper or onto screen a cathartic expression.

I doesn't matter the subject, genre, or what form the writing takes. The very act of roaming in my mind, romping through my emotions and making it into something, has an almost therapeutic impact.

Unfortunately, sometimes, real life gets in the way. Writing is a major priority in my life, it’s an important aspect of who I am, but it is not the main source of my income. That comes from my day job. I’m not at the stage in my writing career where I can take the bet on myself and go all in, so for now, I need to find secure employment and that takes my free time away from writing.

The problem with this is, if I go too long without putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, I start to suffer from attacks of anxiety. Does that happen to anyone else?

I don’t always think about how important writing is to my life until I can’t do it. Usually, it’s just something I like to do, but as it turns out, it’s also my release. A place to escape to when I need it.

At the moment with the day job taking over, it feels as though real life is getting in the way. It’s a simple fact that when you’re in the process of building your creative career, when you have to work a day job, when your creative activity is not your primary money earner, there will be times it gets pushed out. Maybe you have to put more hours in at your day job, maybe you’re taking it home with you. Whatever’s going on, not being able to write is difficult.

Life is stressful enough, but now with the added pressure to bring in sustainable money, losing the one thing that eases my anxiety-ridden mind, is the hardest part of all.

 

The Writer's Uniform

 

Okay, I admit it. When I’m at home writing, pjs are my outfit of choice. Usually teamed with a messy ponytail and no makeup.

That’s the thing with writing; I gotta be comfy. The problem? It leaves me utterly ill-equipped for the times I have to leave the house. Casual attire, I’m okay with but when you bring writing events into the mix, I confess I’m lost.

Networking usually results in me worrying about it before attending over-dressed. I just can’t get the hang of fashion. My first writing event – networking with TV people – I had my hair loose (an anomaly for me,) there was makeup on my face, and I wore a dress with heels. Not tall heels, but still heels. The people there were in jeans. Dang it! I’d got it wrong. This happens more than I’d like it to. Over-dressed or under-dressed; it’s confusing to a girl whose wardrobe is basically made up of pyjamas.

Somewhere along the way, I think I forgot to learn the skills of personal style. Unless lounge-wear is considered style, in which case, I’m nailing it.

On the other hand, if it’s not, then I may need some help. Here are the tips I’ve come up with so far:

·       Plan ahead: I find it kind of helpful to think of what I’m wearing ahead of time, so there’s no last-minute plan. It’s not a flawless plan, because, as I said, I am sometimes overdressed, but at least I’m never under-dressed.

·       Dress for yourself: There’s no point being uncomfortable in an outfit you don’t feel nice in. If you’re out of place in your clothes, it’s not exactly going to bolster you for talking to strangers.

·       Simple is better: This one is personal for me. I’m not adventurous with fashion, but if you are, the last thing I want to do, is tell you to go against yourself. Like I said, dress for yourself. But personally, for me, I find it better to keep it simple. I just don’t have the personal style to pull of something adventurous.

That’s all I’ve got so far, but maybe the more I network the better I’ll get.