Tomorrow is Another Day

Life has fallen into a routine. I work, I take my little boy to his activities, I give him his meals, we play, and then it's bedtime. It doesn't give me a whole hell of a lot to write about. I'm an introvert, and mostly, I like being lazy at home, but it would be nice to mix it up every now and then. 

Routine or Rut

They always look alike to me. When does your daily life become something that needs to be changed? Is it when you're bored with it? When your ambition starts flagging? When it's financially not enough? What are the markings of a rut? 

My Happy Place

If I'm in a rut, I might not get out of it because my happy place is at home with my little boy and my dog, and there's never anywhere I'd rather be. Pyjamas are the best clothes, junk food is the best food, and the sofa is the comfiest place to sit. Why would I want to leave all that?

Ambition

I do, however, still have goals to achieve, and it might be time to put the doughnuts down, dress in some outdoor clothes and do what I can to achieve them. I can still be lazy in between, though, right? So, maybe this is a rut, and even though I'm okay with being in one, I might have to climb my way out. 

If you enjoyed reading this short post, then take a look at some of the others or head over to my website for book updates. 

Negative or Positive

 I've been feeling overwhelmed lately, and as a result, my romance writing has taken a hit. 

Mission Get-a-House is going at a snail's pace, and at times it feels like it's never ever ever going to happen, but I'm trying not to let the negativity get me down. It does make me feel like I'm in limbo, though. Life is on hold. 

Invisible Income

I'm assuming it's invisible because it has to be somewhere. I'm not spending, yet there is very little money. Who knew it could just disappear into life? I budget, I track what I spend, but saving for a house seems to be going backwards.

Jumping Through Hoops

I'm doing everything that I'm told to do, I'm following all the rules, but I'm not moving forward at all. There are so many obstacles, and the home for my family and me is still out of reach. We just keep waiting. 

Not Giving Up

Despite all the problems and all the negatives, I'm trying to stay positive. I keep telling myself it will happen, even when it feels like it won't. It has to, though, right? We'll get our home sometime. We'll have our space one day. 

Council House? Yeah, Right...

I have no home but me - Anne Truitt

This blog post might sound like a bit of a rant, but it's not meant to be. It stems from frustration. I'm a writer with a day job, and more importantly, I'm a mother. I do content writing, fiction writing, and transcribing. I work in retail. I do what I can. 

What I don't have is a house of my own. As I've mentioned in a previous post, my current mission is to get a home for my little family. Honestly, though, it's not going well. Okay, that's an understatement. It's going terribly.

Council Housing

I've been on the list for council housing for a year and a half, and I haven't got a chance in hell of getting a home with them. I'm no closer than I was when I first went on the list. I bid every week, and my position is in the thirties every week. 

Council housing is like a lottery, only the odds are worse. It's frustrating as hell to continually try when it feels so futile.

Financial Realities

It's a sad truth that with all the different avenues for earning money, I still can't afford to buy a home. I could work an eighty-hour week, but at my minimum wage job, it wouldn't be enough to become a homeowner. 

It's not just me. There are many of us in the same position, and it doesn't matter how many coffee shops I walk by, how many coffees I don't buy, that won't change. Seriously, who is spending that much on coffee? 

What Can I Do?

Honestly, I have no idea. I save every spare penny. I'm frugal. I track every penny that I spend. It won't change anything, and I'm at a loss. Really, if anyone has any suggestions, then I'm all ears, because I don't have any clue what I can do, for me, my son and my dog to get a home. 

I said before that I haven't moved any further forward with this, but at least I haven't moved back, and that still stands. I guess I'll persevere. I'll keep playing the house lottery and I'll hope for the best, but it's a hopeless situation, and I can't see it changing. 

Was this ranty? I can't tell. I feel better anyway, after venting my frustrations. In this economy, at least I know I'm not alone. We're all in this together. 

If this didn't put you off reading my other blog posts, then take a look around or visit my author website.

This is Not a New Year's Resolution

It's a goal.

I'm not actually setting any New Year's Resolutions this year. If I was then I'd be a bit late, given that it's February now. But what I am doing is setting a target to reach and then I have a point in my mind to reach where I can review and plan. 

Previously in the Life of a Romance Writer 

When I decided I wanted to try for a baby, I did everything that was within my power to work for it. I did whatever I could to get him. I lost weight, ate foods that had nutrients that increased my chances, I earned money and saved it to pay for treatment. Every penny that came from writing was saved for IVF. It wasn't always easy and it took many years, not just one, but I got my little man and he's beautiful, bright and stubborn. My little big man. 

What's Next?

Next, my goal is to get us a safe and comfortable home where the three of us can settle and live. Me, baby and dog. We want our own house. I don't care much if I own it or if it's a rental, but I want somewhere permanent for us, with our belongings and our furniture. That's my next mission. 

Throw Everything at It Again

There was nothing easy about IVF but I did love the time I put into it. The difference with this goal is that my priorities will be different. Or actually, they'll be the same. For IVF, my baby was my priority, and obviously, he still is, which means my time isn't my own. I might not be able to dedicate the same time to getting us a home, as I did to getting my baby. 

But whatever time I can scrape together needs to be for that, and any money I earn needs to be saved for that. No frivolous spending. 

The steps for getting our own home aren't quite as elaborate as going through IVF. Basically, there is just one. Money. It's the only real obstacle in my way. 

Time to Work

I'm going to have to be resourceful with my time, but I'm also going to have to gather energy from somewhere to shake off the tiredness from sleepless nights that are coming at the moment with having a one year old. But I'll do it. Because I want my baby and furbaby to be in our home as soon as possible. 

If you enjoyed reading this article then you can find others like it by taking a look around this site, or by visiting my other. 

Magic of Music

Right now, I'm lying in bed listening to music while I write, and I’ve gotten caught up in a whirlwind of songs I used to love but haven’t listened to in a long time. The thing is, that these songs are tied to past memories. Feelings, moments long gone. Even story ideas – some I recorded, others I’d forgotten.

According to the Washington Post, evidence suggests that music has such a powerful connection with our brain that listening to it can cause our brains to release dopamine, the pleasure/reward hormone, and it can reduce the impact of the stress hormone cortisol.

It’s also used as a way to reach people with dementia. Listening to a song that played at an important moment in their life, helps them find that memory. For me, it's a component of being a romance writer. 

Music Memory Evolution

There aren’t many people to whom music isn't important. My memories of it go all the way back to being 5 years old and dancing to my mum’s Diana Ross - Chain Reaction record.

I listened to her Carpenters cassette in bed and then discovered the music I love. Starting with The Backstreet Boys, taking a tour through Britney and Christina to Pink then onto Aerosmith and Queen, a detour to Michael Crawford and Michael Ball as I discovered musicals and then onto The Killers and Frank Turner.

The beauty of music is that there’s always more to discover. Classic and new. So many genres.

I’ll never forget my first time watching Wicked in the West End when Elphaba Sang Defying Gravity, I’ll never forget being at the front of the crowd to listen to Frank Turner at the Y Not Festival.

Music and Writing

Now, I use music to write. Different artists for different scenes that I’ve imagined and written. I can hear a particular song and it will take me to that specific piece of writing.

Whenever I get writer's block the fastest way to cure it is to put my earphones in and go for a walk, and that easily scenes will play out in my head.

Music and writing go hand in hand.

Music and Dreaming

It’s not only connected to memories and writing but to hopes and dreams too. There are songs that take me to places I want to go. Things I want to do. Music is so intrinsically weaved throughout our every day that it’s no surprise it has an almost magical connection with our brains.

The power of music is still being studied, along with its impact on mental and physical health, but for me, it’s tied to the imagination and to the past, present and future.

If you enjoyed reading this blog then you can read more like it on this site or visit my sister site To be a Single Mother.

 

 

 

 

 

Self Care and Writing

Odds are, if you're a writer, then you probably go out to work too. Hell, even T.S. Eliot had a day job. Whether it's full-time or part-time, working while finding time to write isn't easy and it can be tiring to have all your time allocated. 

When you work and write, keeping up your energy and health is important to consider. So, what exactly is self-care and how do you do it? Read on to find out.

What is Self Care?

In a nutshell, it means taking care of yourself by doing things that strengthen your physical and mental well-being. It's a choice you make and it's different for everyone. Maybe for you it's reading a good book in the bath, or it could be sky-diving out of a plane. It might even be as simple as putting aside your work in progress to write a poem instead. It's whatever brings you joy and improves your mood.

Self care doesn't mean you have to go out seeking adventure. It doesn't mean you have to find a dark room and meditate. It doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't have to be difficult. 

Why is Self Care Important?

When you're a writer, or artist, or anyone with a side-gig, it means your free time isn't really free. It's already taken up with whatever you're working on. When you have a spare minute, your mind automatically goes to plot-lines and characters. 

The need to be productive all the time can be exhausting, and it can lead to burn-out, depression and anxiety. The good news is that building a self-care routine has proven to reduce stress, while improving your concentration and your energy. 

Mental health is important and by taking care of yourself, you're tackling depression and anxiety. 

How to Care For Yourself

There are different aspects to consider - Physical, mental, social, and spiritual well-being - and it doesn't have to be expensive. 

Some simple and cheap ways to look after yourself can include: Going to bed early, taking a walk, watching a movie or listening to music. You could eat your favourite meal. Drink more water. If you enjoy it then do it, and don't feel guilty about not spending every minute being productive, because self-care is productive.

Maybe what you need is to get out of the house and spend time with your friends. Go for some food, have a board game night. Meet your friends for cocktails. 

Do you enjoy puzzles? Do you like spending time with your pet? How about paint-by-numbers? Taking photographs? What do you enjoy, because spending time on whatever it is... that's going to save you from burning out. 

What Works For You

Find the thing that makes you happy. We live in a time where money is short and bills are steep. It's expensive just to live, and that means we work hard for every little thing we have. That means we're tired. 

I have a baby, a dog, a day job and a writing career to nurture, so my idea of self-care is eating Maoam JoyStixx while watching Modern Family in the middle of the night as my baby sleeps on me. It also includes naps on the sofa and walking my dog. 

What is it for you? If you don't know then you're not spending enough time on self-care. 

If you enjoyed reading this article then take a look at my website and find out about my published books and author news. 

   

It's Christmas Time

 It's Christmas time and this romance writer is ready for it. 

The decorations are up. Twinkling lights make the living room look warmer. I've done all my Christmas shopping. All that's left is to wait for the big day to arrive. 

Christmas Spirit

I love Christmas. The cosy nights at home with cinnamon candles, watching festive movies, wrapped up in a blanket with a hot water bottle and even better if I can have a glass of wine - which isn't always possible with the early starts at my day job. If I can't though then luckily, I'm a hot chocolate enthusiast.

I had hoped to write a festive story for Christmas this year, but time really has flown by and taken me by surprise with how quickly Christmas has arrived, so hopefully next year I'll get the idea written down. 

Keep Writing

I've got lots of story ideas, including the second book in my new shifter series, so for 2023 I'm on a mission to write as much as possible. It's not a New Year's Resolution or anything like that. It's just a hope. A wish.

I always want to write more than I do, but obviously working at a day job alongside writing severely limits my time, but there will hopefully be some new paranormal romance stories and some new fun characters coming soon. 

What the New Year Brings...

I don't have any specific plans for New Year. I'm at work in the morning and then I think I'll mostly be chilling at home, but I do love the start of a new year. It feels like wiping the slate clean and starting from scratch. A fresh outlook, new motivation, new goals... 

I'll be writing to the very end of 2022 because I'm a writer and it's what I do, and when the clock strikes midnight, it's page one of a new year. 

If you like this blog, feel free to take a look at my other articles, or if you prefer you can visit my website here, for updates and news. 

Nine Months, Many Donuts

 

Okay, I admit it, I crumbled. I ate the donuts. It happened. I even had some muffins, some cupcakes, some chocolate, some beer. Oops.

I felt like a rebel and I ate cake. It was brilliant.

I think you can guess that the weight loss journey took a wrong turn. A massive wrong turn. I don’t know what happened, but I think I just reached a point where I’d had enough. I needed a break from the healthy eating diet, and I needed to eat some donuts. So, for a few weeks, that’s what I’ve done and in having this break from it, I’ve come to realise a few things:

Healthy eating is for life:

At least for me it has to be, because I am not responsible enough with food to be left unattended. I can easily live on takeaways, cakes, sweets and Dr Pepper and be entirely happy, but let’s be honest, even I know that every now and then you need to eat a vegetable, but once I start with the junk-food it’s hard to stop. Every day I eat more and more, and what this means is that I need the restraint of the healthy eating plan to reign in my gluttony.

 Square one isn’t far away:

I dropped from thirteen stone eight to eleven stone three. I went from the red section of obese on the BMI scale to the mix of green and yellow of the only just overweight, and then I gave into donuts and my weight crept back towards the red. It occurred to me if I carried on putting treats into my belly, it would be fun, but I’d be right back where I started and that would make the last nine months of building my will power and attending WW workshops completely redundant. I’d have wasted all the work I put into my diet. I’d be back at square one, and let me tell you, it won’t take long to get there.

 Food impacts health:

I know they say it, but I never really believed it, or maybe I did believe it, but I just thought donuts were worth it. I still kinda think that. But then I couldn’t sleep because of intense stomach cramps and I made the connection between what I was eating and how bad I was feeling. As well as the stomach cramps I was experiencing a shortness of breath much quicker after small bursts of activity and I was generally sluggish, which I admit some of which is down to chronic fatigue, but it’s much more extreme when dessert is the only food group going into my belly. Steroids and chemo messed up my body while they saved my life, but I notice the after-effects of those medicines have much less impact when I eat right.

Getting back on track was the hard part. I love food and I like it even more in large quantities, but I knew it was time to get my butt back in gear when my new jeans started to feel a little tight and when my cupboards were empty of anything healthy.

It was time to bring in the big guns.

I sought out my support system. I went to my WW workshop, surrounded myself with people in my boat. Those trying to change their lifestyle through diet. Some who are struggling like me and who can understand, those who are achieving their goals and can motivate, and my WW coach who can help me find my way again with her support.

 Because even if you’re doing a different diet plan, or if you’re trying to go it alone, or with a friend, there will be weeks when you struggle. Maybe you’ve been good all week and haven’t lost, maybe you just haven’t been able to get your head in it, maybe you don’t feel like it, maybe you’ve had a lot of fun nights out for dinner or drinks. That’s all okay.

In my opinion, a healthy lifestyle isn’t supposed to mean you give up your life to it. I don’t believe you’re supposed to be a perfect dieter. You’re supposed to do it however you need to do it, at your own pace, your own way with your own motivation.

The way I’m trying to get back into the healthy eating way of life is by thinking about why I started. The reason I made the choice to get healthy and lose weight.

My reason: Because I was unhappy. I felt like there was no point making an effort with clothes or my hair or makeup, because nothing looked nice on me. It was a foolish viewpoint, but it’s how I felt. I felt tired all the time and generally unhealthy. I was becoming more and more reluctant to go out. I knew my life needed to change and joining was step one in what will be a long journey, but it made a huge difference to my life.

That doesn’t mean I’m eating perfectly. It just means and trying, and for me, that’s enough.

 

My Body's Not Your Business

 

Have you ever gone up to an acquaintance and suggested they get plastic surgery to alter their appearance? Maybe a nose job, a face lift, liposuction? No? Me neither, because it’s rude, and pretty damn offensive.

 

Yet I’ve had four women, three of whom I only know a little, suggest that I have a breast reduction. Why? The only complaint I’ve ever made about my breast size is how difficult it is to shop for tops and dresses, which is an issue many women have. It’s why we try clothes on before we buy.

 

So, why are there women out there who think nothing of coming over to me and asking me why I don’t get a breast reduction?

 

I don’t suffer from back pain, I can lie comfortably on my front in bed, I don’t run so black eyes isn’t an issue. I’m eating healthy to lose weight, I’m a member of a weight loss group, and I’m not secure in my appearance, but whether the reason behind the comments is meant as helpful advice, bringing up the subject of cosmetic surgery in relation to my body, doesn’t help my mission for body-positivity.

 

However, since losing a stone and a half through dieting, I find myself growing more confident in the way I look now, but this time last year, I was so down on myself that I didn’t care how I dressed, I didn’t wear makeup, I didn’t do anything with my hair. I couldn’t see the point, but making the changes to my lifestyle has had an impact on my mental and physical health.

 

It’s not just watching my weight go down, it’s feeling the difference to my fitness and my health. I’m not an athlete. I don’t go to the gym. I’m naturally a lazy person, but since eating healthy, the crawl towards physical acceptance has been slow but it is happening.

 

Then someone suggests a breast reduction and it knocks me back. For whatever reason people think it’s acceptable to comment on my body all the time. Walking down the street, out with my friends, in professional situations: My breasts have been commented on by mere acquaintances and perfect strangers alike.

 

I’ll talk comfortably with my friends, but if you’re coming up to suggest I get a breast reduction, then it’s not because of anything I’ve said, or how I feel. Those are your issues. I don’t know why some people are so concerned with my breast size, and I don’t want to know.

 

If it’s not your body, it’s not your business. Keep your opinions to yourself. 

Am I Lost?

Am I lost in the system?

It’s been almost a year since I contacted the doctor about a referral to a fertility clinic, for the purpose of IVF. I called in September, and now we’re in July.

I know I’m probably a little further forward than I was this time last year, but it doesn’t feel like it. For the past six weeks, I’ve been waiting for an appointment to confirm my referral. I phoned to find out what was going on and I’ve been assured that my case is being looked at, but that was weeks ago, and I’ve heard nothing since.

What I’m unsure of is how often to bother them to find out if things are still moving or if my referral is lost.

From one point of view, it’s giving me more time to lower my BMI, and it’s giving me more time to save money, but it still feels like it’s taking forever, and every day I’m moving closer to forty years old. My biological clock has never been so loud.

I guess, I’ll give it a few days and then maybe call again. As always, the road to baby has a 4mph speed limit.

One Small Step to Baby

Is IVF the slowest process in the world?

I spoke to my GP September 2020 and asked for a referral to my fertility clinic. It’s still ongoing. I think I’m finally at the latter side of the wait, but I’ve had all the necessary tests so there’s nothing left for me to do at the moment.

I was told to book an appointment, which I was to do online, so I did. It then said that there were none available, and I would receive a phone call within two weeks. No one phoned, so I called them and I’ve been told that my referral is being graded and someone should be in touch about an appointment.

It’s a frustratingly slow process, but at the same time, it gives me more of a chance to save money for the funding side of the process. IVF is shockingly expensive when It’s not available on the NHS, and obviously, as a single woman for me, it is not.

But every small step forward feels like an achievement and I’m excited to be moving forward, even if money is a huge question mark hanging over my head.

My Eggs are in the Freezer

When I was diagnosed with cancer ten years ago, I was offered the chance to freeze my eggs before the treatment started.

Thankfully, I wasn’t too symptomatic at the time of diagnosis. I didn’t have night sweats, there were no lumps, just a general sense of fatigue and illness, and a doctor who listened when I said something was wrong, and because I wasn’t symptomatic, it meant they could take the time to freeze my egg.

As I take my first slow slow steps into the fertility journey, I’m so glad egg-freezing was offered to me, because as I’ve learned through the necessary tests for a fertility clinic referral, my ovulation isn’t what it should be. Obviously, there was some damage caused through chemotherapy.

Ten years ago, when I froze my eggs, I remember being anxious to start the chemo, but I’m glad I took the time for the process and I’m glad it was offered to me, even if it did make me ill. I injected myself with whatever they told me to, but I was overwhelmed with everything and, to be honest, at the time just wanted to get it done. I think there was a part of me that foolishly didn’t think I would need frozen eggs. Silly silly younger me.

I recall the day at the hospital to retrieve my eggs and chatting about baking as I laid there while they put a needle where no woman wants a needle to go. I didn’t feel anything though, and they assured me I made lots of eggs. Too many, judging by the sickness that followed.

Unfortunately, the process of egg-freezing and the many eggs I made mixed with the cancer all caused me a lot of sickness. This resulted in me going into hospital, which is where I was when my chemotherapy started and that was followed by pneumonia.

Now, ten years later, my eggs are in the freezer and it’s going to cost me a butt-load of money to use them but everything I went through, will be worth it, if the IVF works for me. It wasn’t an easy time, and I don’t have good memories of freezing eggs, but when I went for an open day at the clinic last year, we were given a tour and were shown the area the eggs are stored, and I’m glad to know they’re there.

 

 

It's Gonna Take Longer

 

So, it's been about a year of trying, and so far, I'm still trying.

I've gotten stuck on the rewrite for Wings of Passion, I've had rejections from many writing submissions, I've had doctor appointments delayed because of covid, I've felt tired, I've been exhausted, but I'm persevering, and even if it feels like I'm not getting anywhere, I guess I kind of am. Slowly.

I keep submitting, I keep editing that shifter romance, and I've just completed the last test for the referral to the fertility clinic, but sometimes it gets me down that it's taken a year to take these small steps. I've also binge-watched Teen Wolf and started a healthy eating kick, but on the whole, I know for most people, including myself, it hasn't been the easiest year.

They say with hard work and belief you can achieve anything, and that's why I keep trying, but I admit there are days when I doubt that. There are days when I think that all the writing is for nothing. That it doesn't matter how hard I try, I'll just keep getting rejected, and in those moments, I'll keep watching Teen Wolf, I'll talk to my people, and I'll keep trying, because, I think that sometimes, you just have to feel it. Things might be sucky right now, but I'll wait for it to pass, for the regression to the mean, because in the words of Teen Wolf: “Life Can’t Ever Be All Bad Or All Good. You Know, Eventually, Things Have To Come Back To The Middle.”

It's been a year of trying, but apparently, it's gonna take longer.

 

Daunting Road to Baby

I find myself a little bit tired this week.

My mind has been a whir of finances, fertility, writing and a whole load of other stuff. No one said fertility was easy, and it’s amazing how much headspace it takes up. The problems that come with it.

Money is a constant obsession, because I know how expensive this whole process is, but team it together with the low likelihood of success and it can be quite a daunting path to follow.

So, for now, I’ve reached the decision to not keep looking too far ahead, and by that, I mean, in a way, taking life one day at a time. I keep telling myself that there’s no point in worrying about what will happen in March when I’m still working on a referral to the fertility clinic.

I’ve had the blood tests, and now there’s nothing I can do until the smear test and the talk with my GP, so I refuse to obsess about what happens beyond that. I can only do what I can do.

I’ll continue with he weight loss, lowering my BMI and I’ll keep saving every penny I can, but other than that, I’m going to obsess on my writing because writing is a good obsession for me.

Fertility treatment, or even the prospect of it, can be overwhelming, but one step at a time is the way for me to go. It’s slow-going, but that just gives me more time to save money, and in the meantime, I always have writing to distract me. 

Fertility Financials

 

Fertility treatment is expensive, and I’m not exactly a high earner. This is the infuriating thing about IVF/IUI.

I have a fantastic support system, and I earn a steady income with my day job, but the bulk payment of treatment is the issue that’s in front of me right now. I live by a strict budget I don’t spend what I don’t have to, and I save any spare money.

Do I see and end to saving? No. Because there are always expenses in the future. Once my fertility treatment is paid for, then it’ll be a house deposit, then it’ll be my post-work life. Not to mention any surprise expenses that come along. I also have to fit in the funding for a lot of dogs because I’m going to need pets.

Saving is hard, though, especially when it feels like there is a time limit. I’m not getting any younger and my biological clock is ticking loudly, which means I resent every penny I spend, and if it’s a treat for myself, it comes with a butt-load of guilt.

I have to say though, that as a person who has never been great at saving, I’m definitely getting better at it. Any money I make from my books is saved, any loose change goes into a pot to be deposited into my account, and any money gifted to me goes straight into savings.

I confess, my one weakness is books, but even that has been curbed drastically for the sake of fertility treatment.

I might just reach my savings goal yet.

Team Fitness

Health-and-fitness is not one of my favourite things. I like junk food and laying around reading books. I’m a big fan of that.

But for fertility purposes, I have to lower my BMI which means I’m a permanent member of the H&F team, and more than that, I don’t want to be unhealthy and overweight forever. It makes me feel sluggish, it makes my chronic fatigue worse, and the acid reflux that came with chemotherapy, even eight years later, turns into fire. That’s the impact too much junk food and laziness have had on my body.

Not to mention the tightening of my clothes, until my wardrobe halves.

So, yeah, now I’m all about fruit and vegetables, and being active. And the thing is, that once I started with that, I like it a lot more than I thought I would. There’s a bit of a high when I finish, which I hear is an endorphin high, and granted it’s usually teamed with sweatiness and panting, but it’s still a good feeling. (Get your mind out of the gutter.)

The same as when I start to see a physical difference. I get my clothes back, there’s more energy, and I spend less on medication like Lansoprazole. I waver sometimes, and I slip up, but I’ve got motivation and I’m really trying.

Health and fitness. That’s me. I’ve got my health apps, my diet apps, my social media groups, my social support, and I’m trying, because weight loss and getting healthy is a difficult thing to do without support, and it’s a lot more expensive than junk food which makes it easier to fail.

I’ve got my motivation now. Team health and fitness all the way. Whatever it takes for the fertility journey.

First Fertility Hurdle

 It's so hard to get going with the business of fertility when there's a pandemic going on.

I've been trying to make an appointment for the referral to the fertility clinic, but it's not considered to be an emergent case so I can't even get a phone appointment. The only option is to call every single day and hope they have a free space where they can fit me in.

I knew there would be set backs, I always knew this was going to be difficult, but I didn't expect it to be getting off the starting block. I didn't realise it would be so difficult to get the first appointment.

I see a long road ahead of me - an endlessly long road ahead - and it's not going to get any shorter if I don't get going.

I know this isn't the ideal time to be starting this journey, but I wanted to earlier in the year, but then this pandemic started, kicking us into full lockdown. If I keep waiting, I'll be a thousand years old.

I might be that old by the time I get a GP appointment.

 

 

Quiet Week

So, this is just a little update on what I'm doing right now. 

It's been a quiet week. I had some time off from the day job and I've been reading a lot. Making my way through all my favourite paranormal romance books and series. I think after another writing rejection, I just needed a small break from it. That's the worst part of writing for me. 

However, I haven't stopped completely. I've been making notes and plotting. 

I'm about to do another run through of Wings of Passion - editing it, then I want to work on some shorter pieces of romance before getting to work on my big one. The scifi romance series I've started. 

Still writing. Still reading. 

Mission Fertility

Last October I went to an open day at a fertility hospital. They explained the process, the different treatments and took us on a tour of the facility. We even got a cuppa tea and a free pen.

The tour was something that wasn’t necessary for me, as eight years ago I was well acquainted with the building, because eight years ago I froze my eggs there, before starting Chemotherapy.

As for the res of the open day, it felt like a step towards a dream I’ve held inside for a long time. I learned what lays ahead of me, the obstacles I’ll have to face and the realistic possibility of joy or heartbreak.

Going through IVF isn’t the same as artificial insemination, and until I have fertility tests, I won’t know which path will be mine, but if IVF is the road I go down, then it’s not as simple as a few trips to the hospital.

In some regards, for me, it’s a lifestyle overhaul.

I’m lucky that I don’t smoke, and alcohol has never been an important thing in my life, so giving up those won’t be too difficult. My three most immediate challenges will be funding as IVF is an expensive process, time – given that I’m nearing forty, and lowering my BMI.

As far as financials go, I’m a single woman in my late thirties so there is not financial aid for me, and at £4000 a cycle, I don’t exactly have that in my savings.

As just stated, in growing ever closer to forty everyday which means there is a time limit ahead of me.

My third challenge: lowering my BMI. At the open day it was stated I would have to get my BMI below twenty-five, and at the moment it stands at 29.9.. That’s quite a ways to go.

My plan is budgeting, being frugal, exercise and weight watchers – or WW as it’s now known, but as I look ahead, I see an uphill battle, and it’s scary to state in actual words, what I want when I have no clear idea of how to get it.

I’m about to step into the dark, eerie forest, and I hope I come out on the other side with some realised dreams.

Rough Week

It's no secret that I live with my parents right now. It's also no secret that I want my own place. 

My parents have decided to change things around in the house and that upheaval has been enough to trigger my anxiety today. That's all it took. They're not big changes, bit still, it's tackled me to the ground.

The sun is shining, I have a week off work. I was going to be productive, yet instead I'm sitting in the garden trying to remember how to breathe and how not to cry. So, yeah, this is a bad patch, and it doesn't matter what people say or do, I just have to get through it.

I'm lethargic, I'm stressed and I'm sad, but I know how much worse it would be if I wasn't on Setraline. That works often for me, even if not today. 

Tomorrow may be better because that's how quickly things can turn around. Today though, I just want to hide with my duvet over my head.