Self Care and Writing

Odds are, if you're a writer, then you probably go out to work too. Hell, even T.S. Eliot had a day job. Whether it's full-time or part-time, working while finding time to write isn't easy and it can be tiring to have all your time allocated. 

When you work and write, keeping up your energy and health is important to consider. So, what exactly is self-care and how do you do it? Read on to find out.

What is Self Care?

In a nutshell, it means taking care of yourself by doing things that strengthen your physical and mental well-being. It's a choice you make and it's different for everyone. Maybe for you it's reading a good book in the bath, or it could be sky-diving out of a plane. It might even be as simple as putting aside your work in progress to write a poem instead. It's whatever brings you joy and improves your mood.

Self care doesn't mean you have to go out seeking adventure. It doesn't mean you have to find a dark room and meditate. It doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't have to be difficult. 

Why is Self Care Important?

When you're a writer, or artist, or anyone with a side-gig, it means your free time isn't really free. It's already taken up with whatever you're working on. When you have a spare minute, your mind automatically goes to plot-lines and characters. 

The need to be productive all the time can be exhausting, and it can lead to burn-out, depression and anxiety. The good news is that building a self-care routine has proven to reduce stress, while improving your concentration and your energy. 

Mental health is important and by taking care of yourself, you're tackling depression and anxiety. 

How to Care For Yourself

There are different aspects to consider - Physical, mental, social, and spiritual well-being - and it doesn't have to be expensive. 

Some simple and cheap ways to look after yourself can include: Going to bed early, taking a walk, watching a movie or listening to music. You could eat your favourite meal. Drink more water. If you enjoy it then do it, and don't feel guilty about not spending every minute being productive, because self-care is productive.

Maybe what you need is to get out of the house and spend time with your friends. Go for some food, have a board game night. Meet your friends for cocktails. 

Do you enjoy puzzles? Do you like spending time with your pet? How about paint-by-numbers? Taking photographs? What do you enjoy, because spending time on whatever it is... that's going to save you from burning out. 

What Works For You

Find the thing that makes you happy. We live in a time where money is short and bills are steep. It's expensive just to live, and that means we work hard for every little thing we have. That means we're tired. 

I have a baby, a dog, a day job and a writing career to nurture, so my idea of self-care is eating Maoam JoyStixx while watching Modern Family in the middle of the night as my baby sleeps on me. It also includes naps on the sofa and walking my dog. 

What is it for you? If you don't know then you're not spending enough time on self-care. 

If you enjoyed reading this article then take a look at my website and find out about my published books and author news. 

   

Nine Months, Many Donuts

 

Okay, I admit it, I crumbled. I ate the donuts. It happened. I even had some muffins, some cupcakes, some chocolate, some beer. Oops.

I felt like a rebel and I ate cake. It was brilliant.

I think you can guess that the weight loss journey took a wrong turn. A massive wrong turn. I don’t know what happened, but I think I just reached a point where I’d had enough. I needed a break from the healthy eating diet, and I needed to eat some donuts. So, for a few weeks, that’s what I’ve done and in having this break from it, I’ve come to realise a few things:

Healthy eating is for life:

At least for me it has to be, because I am not responsible enough with food to be left unattended. I can easily live on takeaways, cakes, sweets and Dr Pepper and be entirely happy, but let’s be honest, even I know that every now and then you need to eat a vegetable, but once I start with the junk-food it’s hard to stop. Every day I eat more and more, and what this means is that I need the restraint of the healthy eating plan to reign in my gluttony.

 Square one isn’t far away:

I dropped from thirteen stone eight to eleven stone three. I went from the red section of obese on the BMI scale to the mix of green and yellow of the only just overweight, and then I gave into donuts and my weight crept back towards the red. It occurred to me if I carried on putting treats into my belly, it would be fun, but I’d be right back where I started and that would make the last nine months of building my will power and attending WW workshops completely redundant. I’d have wasted all the work I put into my diet. I’d be back at square one, and let me tell you, it won’t take long to get there.

 Food impacts health:

I know they say it, but I never really believed it, or maybe I did believe it, but I just thought donuts were worth it. I still kinda think that. But then I couldn’t sleep because of intense stomach cramps and I made the connection between what I was eating and how bad I was feeling. As well as the stomach cramps I was experiencing a shortness of breath much quicker after small bursts of activity and I was generally sluggish, which I admit some of which is down to chronic fatigue, but it’s much more extreme when dessert is the only food group going into my belly. Steroids and chemo messed up my body while they saved my life, but I notice the after-effects of those medicines have much less impact when I eat right.

Getting back on track was the hard part. I love food and I like it even more in large quantities, but I knew it was time to get my butt back in gear when my new jeans started to feel a little tight and when my cupboards were empty of anything healthy.

It was time to bring in the big guns.

I sought out my support system. I went to my WW workshop, surrounded myself with people in my boat. Those trying to change their lifestyle through diet. Some who are struggling like me and who can understand, those who are achieving their goals and can motivate, and my WW coach who can help me find my way again with her support.

 Because even if you’re doing a different diet plan, or if you’re trying to go it alone, or with a friend, there will be weeks when you struggle. Maybe you’ve been good all week and haven’t lost, maybe you just haven’t been able to get your head in it, maybe you don’t feel like it, maybe you’ve had a lot of fun nights out for dinner or drinks. That’s all okay.

In my opinion, a healthy lifestyle isn’t supposed to mean you give up your life to it. I don’t believe you’re supposed to be a perfect dieter. You’re supposed to do it however you need to do it, at your own pace, your own way with your own motivation.

The way I’m trying to get back into the healthy eating way of life is by thinking about why I started. The reason I made the choice to get healthy and lose weight.

My reason: Because I was unhappy. I felt like there was no point making an effort with clothes or my hair or makeup, because nothing looked nice on me. It was a foolish viewpoint, but it’s how I felt. I felt tired all the time and generally unhealthy. I was becoming more and more reluctant to go out. I knew my life needed to change and joining was step one in what will be a long journey, but it made a huge difference to my life.

That doesn’t mean I’m eating perfectly. It just means and trying, and for me, that’s enough.

 

My Body's Not Your Business

 

Have you ever gone up to an acquaintance and suggested they get plastic surgery to alter their appearance? Maybe a nose job, a face lift, liposuction? No? Me neither, because it’s rude, and pretty damn offensive.

 

Yet I’ve had four women, three of whom I only know a little, suggest that I have a breast reduction. Why? The only complaint I’ve ever made about my breast size is how difficult it is to shop for tops and dresses, which is an issue many women have. It’s why we try clothes on before we buy.

 

So, why are there women out there who think nothing of coming over to me and asking me why I don’t get a breast reduction?

 

I don’t suffer from back pain, I can lie comfortably on my front in bed, I don’t run so black eyes isn’t an issue. I’m eating healthy to lose weight, I’m a member of a weight loss group, and I’m not secure in my appearance, but whether the reason behind the comments is meant as helpful advice, bringing up the subject of cosmetic surgery in relation to my body, doesn’t help my mission for body-positivity.

 

However, since losing a stone and a half through dieting, I find myself growing more confident in the way I look now, but this time last year, I was so down on myself that I didn’t care how I dressed, I didn’t wear makeup, I didn’t do anything with my hair. I couldn’t see the point, but making the changes to my lifestyle has had an impact on my mental and physical health.

 

It’s not just watching my weight go down, it’s feeling the difference to my fitness and my health. I’m not an athlete. I don’t go to the gym. I’m naturally a lazy person, but since eating healthy, the crawl towards physical acceptance has been slow but it is happening.

 

Then someone suggests a breast reduction and it knocks me back. For whatever reason people think it’s acceptable to comment on my body all the time. Walking down the street, out with my friends, in professional situations: My breasts have been commented on by mere acquaintances and perfect strangers alike.

 

I’ll talk comfortably with my friends, but if you’re coming up to suggest I get a breast reduction, then it’s not because of anything I’ve said, or how I feel. Those are your issues. I don’t know why some people are so concerned with my breast size, and I don’t want to know.

 

If it’s not your body, it’s not your business. Keep your opinions to yourself. 

Am I Lost?

Am I lost in the system?

It’s been almost a year since I contacted the doctor about a referral to a fertility clinic, for the purpose of IVF. I called in September, and now we’re in July.

I know I’m probably a little further forward than I was this time last year, but it doesn’t feel like it. For the past six weeks, I’ve been waiting for an appointment to confirm my referral. I phoned to find out what was going on and I’ve been assured that my case is being looked at, but that was weeks ago, and I’ve heard nothing since.

What I’m unsure of is how often to bother them to find out if things are still moving or if my referral is lost.

From one point of view, it’s giving me more time to lower my BMI, and it’s giving me more time to save money, but it still feels like it’s taking forever, and every day I’m moving closer to forty years old. My biological clock has never been so loud.

I guess, I’ll give it a few days and then maybe call again. As always, the road to baby has a 4mph speed limit.

My Eggs are in the Freezer

When I was diagnosed with cancer ten years ago, I was offered the chance to freeze my eggs before the treatment started.

Thankfully, I wasn’t too symptomatic at the time of diagnosis. I didn’t have night sweats, there were no lumps, just a general sense of fatigue and illness, and a doctor who listened when I said something was wrong, and because I wasn’t symptomatic, it meant they could take the time to freeze my egg.

As I take my first slow slow steps into the fertility journey, I’m so glad egg-freezing was offered to me, because as I’ve learned through the necessary tests for a fertility clinic referral, my ovulation isn’t what it should be. Obviously, there was some damage caused through chemotherapy.

Ten years ago, when I froze my eggs, I remember being anxious to start the chemo, but I’m glad I took the time for the process and I’m glad it was offered to me, even if it did make me ill. I injected myself with whatever they told me to, but I was overwhelmed with everything and, to be honest, at the time just wanted to get it done. I think there was a part of me that foolishly didn’t think I would need frozen eggs. Silly silly younger me.

I recall the day at the hospital to retrieve my eggs and chatting about baking as I laid there while they put a needle where no woman wants a needle to go. I didn’t feel anything though, and they assured me I made lots of eggs. Too many, judging by the sickness that followed.

Unfortunately, the process of egg-freezing and the many eggs I made mixed with the cancer all caused me a lot of sickness. This resulted in me going into hospital, which is where I was when my chemotherapy started and that was followed by pneumonia.

Now, ten years later, my eggs are in the freezer and it’s going to cost me a butt-load of money to use them but everything I went through, will be worth it, if the IVF works for me. It wasn’t an easy time, and I don’t have good memories of freezing eggs, but when I went for an open day at the clinic last year, we were given a tour and were shown the area the eggs are stored, and I’m glad to know they’re there.

 

 

Team Fitness

Health-and-fitness is not one of my favourite things. I like junk food and laying around reading books. I’m a big fan of that.

But for fertility purposes, I have to lower my BMI which means I’m a permanent member of the H&F team, and more than that, I don’t want to be unhealthy and overweight forever. It makes me feel sluggish, it makes my chronic fatigue worse, and the acid reflux that came with chemotherapy, even eight years later, turns into fire. That’s the impact too much junk food and laziness have had on my body.

Not to mention the tightening of my clothes, until my wardrobe halves.

So, yeah, now I’m all about fruit and vegetables, and being active. And the thing is, that once I started with that, I like it a lot more than I thought I would. There’s a bit of a high when I finish, which I hear is an endorphin high, and granted it’s usually teamed with sweatiness and panting, but it’s still a good feeling. (Get your mind out of the gutter.)

The same as when I start to see a physical difference. I get my clothes back, there’s more energy, and I spend less on medication like Lansoprazole. I waver sometimes, and I slip up, but I’ve got motivation and I’m really trying.

Health and fitness. That’s me. I’ve got my health apps, my diet apps, my social media groups, my social support, and I’m trying, because weight loss and getting healthy is a difficult thing to do without support, and it’s a lot more expensive than junk food which makes it easier to fail.

I’ve got my motivation now. Team health and fitness all the way. Whatever it takes for the fertility journey.

First Fertility Hurdle

 It's so hard to get going with the business of fertility when there's a pandemic going on.

I've been trying to make an appointment for the referral to the fertility clinic, but it's not considered to be an emergent case so I can't even get a phone appointment. The only option is to call every single day and hope they have a free space where they can fit me in.

I knew there would be set backs, I always knew this was going to be difficult, but I didn't expect it to be getting off the starting block. I didn't realise it would be so difficult to get the first appointment.

I see a long road ahead of me - an endlessly long road ahead - and it's not going to get any shorter if I don't get going.

I know this isn't the ideal time to be starting this journey, but I wanted to earlier in the year, but then this pandemic started, kicking us into full lockdown. If I keep waiting, I'll be a thousand years old.

I might be that old by the time I get a GP appointment.

 

 

Mission Fertility

Last October I went to an open day at a fertility hospital. They explained the process, the different treatments and took us on a tour of the facility. We even got a cuppa tea and a free pen.

The tour was something that wasn’t necessary for me, as eight years ago I was well acquainted with the building, because eight years ago I froze my eggs there, before starting Chemotherapy.

As for the res of the open day, it felt like a step towards a dream I’ve held inside for a long time. I learned what lays ahead of me, the obstacles I’ll have to face and the realistic possibility of joy or heartbreak.

Going through IVF isn’t the same as artificial insemination, and until I have fertility tests, I won’t know which path will be mine, but if IVF is the road I go down, then it’s not as simple as a few trips to the hospital.

In some regards, for me, it’s a lifestyle overhaul.

I’m lucky that I don’t smoke, and alcohol has never been an important thing in my life, so giving up those won’t be too difficult. My three most immediate challenges will be funding as IVF is an expensive process, time – given that I’m nearing forty, and lowering my BMI.

As far as financials go, I’m a single woman in my late thirties so there is not financial aid for me, and at £4000 a cycle, I don’t exactly have that in my savings.

As just stated, in growing ever closer to forty everyday which means there is a time limit ahead of me.

My third challenge: lowering my BMI. At the open day it was stated I would have to get my BMI below twenty-five, and at the moment it stands at 29.9.. That’s quite a ways to go.

My plan is budgeting, being frugal, exercise and weight watchers – or WW as it’s now known, but as I look ahead, I see an uphill battle, and it’s scary to state in actual words, what I want when I have no clear idea of how to get it.

I’m about to step into the dark, eerie forest, and I hope I come out on the other side with some realised dreams.

Six Weeks, No Donuts

 

I was irrationally nervous as I prepared to start Weight Watchers.

 

I’ve done it before and it’s a program that’s always worked for me, I also had a fair idea of what my weight would be, so I don’t know why I had butterflies as I logged onto the website.

 

I’ve never thought of myself as a massively overweight person even as my BMI called me obese, but I didn’t feel healthy either.

 

I struggle with certain health problems because of having stupid cancer a few years ago. As much as the chemotherapy saved my life, it left behind a mark. With scar tissue, stomach issues and chronic fatigue that on their worst day can emulate the symptoms I had with cancer, leading to some scary thoughts and panicked paranoia, I was never looking for miracles by losing weight.

 

But I also knew that when I crazy-danced (putting on music and dancing all crazy) I could only last about two songs, and when I chased my dog around my parents’ small garden I could only do one lap, and running up the stairs…? Yeah, that was never an actual run. Those were things that I knew were affected by my heavy weight.

 

So, on a whim I looked up my local weight watchers and announced I was starting.

 

The first week was difficult. Learning about the programme, giving up the binge eating, and I admit that I’ve slipped up a few times, and because of that, I’m off to a slow start, but the weight is leaving me, and that makes the donut sacrifice.

 

I’m proud of my achievement so far because when I’ve tried dieting alone in the past, I inevitably sneak junk food and the diet doesn’t work.

 

I’m in the very early stages of my weight loss journey and I miss donuts like you wouldn’t believe, but I’m doing my best to stay motivated. I’m no expert about dieting, I’m learning what works for my body and I’m doing my best, but based on the last few weeks, here are my tips on getting started:

 

 

Do it for yourself

I don’t care what anyone says, losing weight is not easy. Making the decision to go on a diet and stick to it is not easy. There will be weeks when you do everything right and the best result is to maintain your current weight, there will be weeks when someone tells you how much food they ate and they lose four pounds, there will be people who lose it quicker than you, people who reach goals faster than you. For some the weight will drop off, for others it’s slow, painful progress. And that is why you have to do it for yourself. Because if there is some outside influence provoking you and it’s not something you need or want then it will be that much harder. Every pound you drop is something to be proud of. It’s a goal achieved. You’ll feel it so much deeper if you really want it.

 

 Exercise (ugh)

I hate exercising. It sucks. I find no pleasure in trying to get fit. So, my advice to you is do something that you can find enjoyment in. I’m, at heart, a lazy person so you’re unlikely to find me running or at the gym, so for my exercise (ugh) I walk the dog and I dance. And I don’t mean dance class. I get some music going and I dance until I’m tired. Usually with the dog jumping at my feet because she thinks it’s a game. Like I said, I’m lazy so I might not be the best person to offer advice on this but, hey, thirty minutes to an hour of walking has got to be better than thirty minutes to an hour watching TV dreaming of donuts.

 

Plan your meals

When I started weight watchers I found it difficult, not just the cutting down on all my favourite food part, but I didn’t know what to eat. With a limited number of points in a day I was at a bit of a loss, and the thing I find that makes it easier, is planning ahead. It’s difficult to start off with because it takes a while to build up your store cupboard with all the flavourings and weird new healthy food that you need for recipes, but after a while, it gets a bit easier, and soon it’s a part of your weekly routine. Think what you want for breakfast, lunch and dinner. What snacks you’ll want, and then find out what you need and add it to your shopping list. If you can prep and freeze; even better. It takes the stress out of meal decisions. Another problem that comes with dieting is when you eat out. Fortunately, a lot more places are adding healthy options to their menus and it really makes a difference but if you can get a look at a menu before you go then  you can plan ahead, and avoid the part that most other people find annoying; trying to find a low cal option while everyone’s waiting for you to decide.

 

Change your habits

One easy change to make is to eat from a smaller plate. It sounds like pointless, but I find it makes a difference. Eating from a smaller plate means you don’t have all that empty space surrounding your smaller portion and it means you don’t feel the need to fill it. As well as a smaller plate, drink more water. That way you don’t mistake thirst for hunger. Other pieces of advice I’ve been given are to eat at a table with no TV because when you’re distracted by television you’re not paying attention to your food and you shovel in more without realising. Also, it takes your body twenty minutes to realise your full so don’t be afraid to eat slowly or take breaks, and don't feel like you can never eat junk food again. If you cut out your favourites altogether (donuts for example) then you might find yourself quitting. I couldn't give up donuts forever, but I also know that eating them as often as I was wasn't healthy. Everything in moderation. That doesn't mean never again.

 

Find your motivation

It always seems easier to diet when you have a goal to achieve. A wedding, a holiday, anything with an endpoint and an achievement but even if you have nothing like those things to look forward to, you can create your own goals. I recently bought a dress for a writing event I was going to, and at the same time I bought one for upcoming Christmas meals and parties. The one for the writing event didn’t fit right. It was a little too tight which made it indecently short so I ended up wearing the Christmas party dress instead. Now the short, tight one is hanging on my wardrobe and it’s my first goal. To fit into that. If it happens by Christmas then great, if I don’t quite accomplish that then I’ll keep going till I do, but it’s a motivation to see this dress I love hanging up waiting for me to wear it. Another way is to reward yourself when reach milestones. Maybe you can put aside money for every pound you lose and then go shopping when you reach your goal weight. Or you can reward yourself at milestones. At your first half stone, or your first stone get your hair done, buy those shoes you want, get a tattoo, go drag racing. Whatever you want, but make a point of making that your reward and then it’s something to work toward.

 

Be healthy

This is my last and most important piece of advice. Dieting isn’t about starving yourself. Starting a new program is tough; understanding the program, what you can and can’t eat, pacing your points (or sins or calories: depending on which diet you do) throughout the day and week, but it should be balanced. You should be eating meals. If you’re looking for a lifestyle change that you can keep up then you need to find one that you can live with, that still let’s you enjoy food, that doesn’t harm you. Don’t starve yourself so you can binge. Don’t hurt your body to be thin. In my opinion the most important part of dieting, is to lose the weight healthily.

 

As I’ve already said, dieting is tough but one thing I get from going to a group is seeing how many people out there are doing the same thing. We’re trying to get healthy and it’s a constant support. People who are happy for you and encourage you when you lose a single pound, commiserate you when put on, advise you when you’re fed up and stuck. None of my friends are dieting so having this group makes a difference to me because they are the ones who understand my desire to be healthy and to feel better about myself that not everyone gets.

 

Whether you’re in a weight loss program, thinking about starting, or just reading this because you’re bored and it’s there… stay healthy and know we’re all struggling through this donut sacrifice together. 

 

Chronic Fatigue: The Parasite of Energy

 

Sometimes other people just suck the life right out of you. They make demands on you until your spirit is depleted.

 

This is where I’m at right now. Exhausted and battling to find the reserves to get through just one more day. And then I make it through that one, and I have to get through another. Crawling to the weekend so that I can finally have time and rest, to gather strength to get through another week.

 

It’s like my days are on a conveyor belt, dropping off the end into the aether, while I run in the opposite direction. Exhausted and getting nowhere.

 

This is what chronic fatigue is to me. In fact the symptoms of chronic fatigue are so similar to the symptoms I had when I had cancer that I can’t tell the difference, but because I work, because I have to keep trying, others don’t see or understand the pain in my body. I feel like I’m leaking petrol and any moment my engine is going to splutter to nothing. I feel like every footstep takes a mammoth effort, yet all I get for it are requests and demands. To try harder, to work more, to give my all.

 

Believe it or not; they’re getting my all, and it’s breaking me.

 

I want nothing more than to take pain killers and hide beneath my duvet sleeping. I’m tired. I’m tired all the time, and it makes me less patient, more snappish, less likely to put up with bullshit and drama because I just don’t have the energy. I don’t have it in me to listen to life-suckers and those who only take.

 

Chronic fatigue is like a parasite, sucking the energy and spirit right out of me, and when it’s at its worst, it feels like I’ve been beaten. This is the aftermath of chemo years later.

 

My brain has stuff to do, a to-do list to get down, but my body won’t let me. I have plans to make, a future to build, yet I have to figure out how to do it with a body that won’t co-operate.

 

Chronic fatigue doesn’t mean a person feels a little bit tired, it doesn’t mean they’ve had a busy week, it means their body is broken, and just because they struggle along, they don’t give in, they fight against it, it doesn’t mean they’re not ill. And when they give into it, it doesn’t mean they’re lazy or weak.

 

Sometimes I have to crumble in order to build myself back up. That’s what chronic fatigue is to me.